The Lord of the Rings and why Kate's not in it
by No one Squirrel
Summary: A cont. of CF1 and CF1's "The Lord of the Rings and the Two Insanes" I own none of Tolkin's things.Wish I did
1. Default Chapter

Note: At the end of the Fellowship of the Ring, Kate, Mandy and Katie were split up. Kate is captured (or attaches herself to an Orc), Katie travels with Samwise and Frodo (after awakening from a nap in the canoe to a very loud hobbit-in distress scream) and Mandy, to everyone's dislike,gets a piggy back ride from Legolas as he, Gimli and Aragorn hunt orcs.  
  
Camera pans over the Misty Mountains as voices drift in from the background  
  
Gandalf: You cannot pass!  
  
Frodo: Gandalf!  
  
Kate: Oh, do shut up Frodo.*She and Mandy start waving pom-poms up in the air*  
  
Both: Go Gandy! Go Gandy!  
  
Katie: Oh, like the Bulrog is really going to loose! *Hugs Bulrog plush to her cheek* I believe in you Bulrog!  
  
Gandalf: I am the servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor! Argh! Go back to the shadow. The Dark Fire will not avail you, Flame of Udûn!  
  
Camera pans closer to the mountain side. Camera zooms in through the mountain and focuses on Gandalf and the Balrog on the bridge of Khazad-dûm. The Balrog strikes down on Gandalf with its flaming sword. Gandalf parries the blow with Glamdring, shattering the Balrog's sword  
Gandalf: Argh! YOU. SHALL NOT... PASS!!!  
  
Kate and Mandy: Whohoo!!  
  
Gandalf strikes his staff onto the bridge. As the Balrog steps forward, the bridge collapses from under it and the demon plunges backward into the chasm. Gandalf, exhausted, leans on his staff and watches the Balrog fall then turns to follow the others. At the last minute, the flaming whip lashes up from the depths of the abyss and winds around Gandalf's ankle, dragging him over the edge. He clings onto the bridge but is straining to keep his grip  
  
Gandalf: Argh!  
  
Katie: *punches the air* YAY!  
Frodo rushes forward but Boromir restrains him  
Boromir: No! No!  
  
Frodo: Gandalf!  
  
Gandalf: Fly, you fools!  
  
Gandalf loses his grip and falls into the chasm  
Frodo: Noooooooooooooooo!!!! *Calls after Gandalf as he falls into the abyss* Gaaandaaaaalf!!  
  
Kate: Whoa.I didn't know he could swan dive like that.  
  
Gandalf falls after the Balrog and grabs hold of his sword Glamdring on his way down. As they continue to plunge into the depths, Gandalf hacks away at the Balrog even as it thrashes and bounces off the walls. They continue to plunge at great speed, sometimes with Gandalf clinging to the horn of the demon. The battling pair then falls into an enormous cavern and plunges into the water. Just then Frodo awakens as if from a nightmare.  
  
Frodo: Gandalf!  
  
Sam: What is it, Mr. Frodo?  
  
Frodo: Nothing. Just a dream.  
  
Frodo, Sam and Katie climb over the rocky terrain Emyn Muil. They look into the distance at the Mountain of Fire.  
  
Sam: Mordor. The one place in Middle-earth we don't want to see any closer, and the one place we're trying to get to. And it's just where we can't get. Let's face it, Mr. Frodo, we're lost. I don't think Gandalf meant for us to come this way.  
  
Katie: My feet hurt.  
  
Frodo: *narrows his eyes in a drop dead look at her* He didn't mean for a lot of things to happen, Sam... but they did. * Suddenly Frodo feels and sees the Eye zooming in on him. He gasps and pants as he backs away*  
  
Sam: Mr. Frodo? It's the Ring, isn't it?  
  
Frodo: It's getting heavier. *Clutches the Ring by his chest and sits down, still panting. He then fumbles for his water bottle and takes a sip* What food have we got left?  
  
Sam: Well, let me see. After a certain someone ate most of it.  
  
Katie: Hey.I was hungry. One bite of Lambas bread fills the stomach of a full grown man. The elves totally forgot about a growing human girl.  
  
Sam: *Mumbles* But seven loaves in one sitting. *He takes out a package of lembas bread from his pack* Oh yes, lovely - Lembas bread. And look! *He digs deeper into his pack* More lembas bread.  
  
Katie: No potatoes? *Looks sadly towards Mordor*  
  
Sam: *shows another package. He then breaks off a piece and tosses it to Frodo, and munches on a piece himself* I don't usually hold to foreign food, but this Elvish stuff is not bad.  
  
Frodo: *smiles* Nothing ever dampens your spirits, does it Sam?  
  
Sam: *smiles back, and then looks ominously towards Mordor* Those rain clouds might.  
  
They continue trekking through difficult terrain, often huddling underneath their cloaks  
Sam: *Looks around* This looks strangely familiar.  
  
Frodo: *Exasperated* It's because we've been here before! We're going in circles.  
  
Katie: We're lost?  
  
Sam: Ah! What's that 'orrid stink? I'll warrant there's a nasty bog nearby. Can you smell it? *looks towards Katie*  
  
Katie: *crosses her arms over her chest and growls*  
  
Frodo: Yes. I can smell it. *Drops to a whisper* We're not alone.  
  
Sam: Well duh!  
  
Nighttime: Frodo, Sam and Katie are sleeping. Sam is sucking his thumb. A dark shape appears on top of the cliff. The creature Gollum has appeared and is making his way down to the hobbits  
  
Gollum: They're thieves! They're thieves! They're filthy little thieves! Where is it? Where isss it? They stole it from us. My preciousss. *Gollum creeps closer and closer* Curse them! We hates them! It's ours, it is... and we wantssss it!  
Gollum reaches out his hand towards the hobbits. Suddenly the hobbits spring up, grab hold of Gollum's arms and pull him down. Amidst the struggle, Gollum wriggles loose and leaps onto Frodo. As Frodo falls back, the chain and Ring around his neck is revealed and Gollum jumps straight for the Ring. Sam tries to grab at him but is knocked away. Gollum now jumps on top of Frodo and tries to reach for the Ring even as Frodo grabs his hands and tries to push him away. Gollum's cheeks puff with exertion as he struggles with Frodo, his enormous eyes fixed on the Ring. Sam grabs hold of Gollum again and tears him away from Frodo. Gollum then turns around and bites Sam on the shoulder, wriggles around and clasps his arms around Sam's neck and legs around his waist in a death grip. Frodo unsheathes Sting  
Katie: OMG! It's Gollum!! *leaps up and tears Gollum off Sam* You're sooooo cute!!  
  
She hugs him in a better death grip then his own, while Samwise and Frodo look on in horror. Sam rubs his neck with his hand while Frodo inches up with Sting. Katie puts him down  
  
Katie: Don't you dare hurt him. He's not as adorable as Sam, but you better not hurt him!  
  
Frodo: *menacingly* This is Sting. You've seen it before, haven't you... Gollum! Release him or I'll cut your throat!  
  
Sam: Um,.he's already let go, Mister Frodo.  
  
Slowly, Gollum inches away from Frodo and Sam, staying behind Katie's legs. Gollum wails. In the next scene, Gollum is being dragged with Sam's Elvish rope around his neck, wailing and writhing in pain  
Gollum: It burns! It burns us! It freezes! Nasty Elves twisted it. Take it off us!  
  
Sam: Quiet you!  
  
Sam tugs fiercely at the rope. Gollum cries some more and collapses onto his back. Sam turns to Frodo in dismay  
Sam: It's hopeless! Every Orc in Mordor's going to hear this racket! Let's just tie him up and leave him.  
  
Gollum: No! That would kill us! Kill us!  
  
Sam: It's no more than you deserve!  
  
Katie: Hey, you're a puppy and we don't tie you up and leave you.  
  
Frodo: Maybe he does deserve to die, but now that I see him, I do pity him.  
  
Gollum: *Begging* We be nice to them if they be nice to us. *Inches towards Katie again, who is much nicer then the smelly hobbits* Take it off us. We swears to do what you wants. We swears.  
  
Katie: Awwww!! Take it off him Sam. He's just too cute!!  
  
Frodo: There's no promise you can make that I can trust.  
  
Gollum: We swears to serve the master of the preciousss. We swears on the... on the precious. Gollum. Gollum.  
  
Frodo: The Ring is treacherous. It will hold you to your word.  
  
Gollum: Yes... on the preciousss. On the preciousss.  
  
Sam: I don't believe you! *Gollum backs away, frightened, and climbs onto a boulder*Get down! Get down!  
  
*Sam jerks strongly at the rope as Gollum tries to get away from him. He falls and Katie runs to catch him. She does and he starts choking.  
  
Frodo: Sam!  
  
Sam: He's trying to trick us! We let him go he'll throttle us in our sleep!  
  
Katie: You said the same thing about me and your still standing.  
Gollum lies panting and holding his throat. He backs away, frightened, as Frodo approaches him  
Frodo: You know the way to Mordor?  
  
Gollum: *nods warily* Yes...  
  
Frodo: You've been there before?  
  
Gollum: *nods again* Yes...  
Frodo: *reaches out and takes the rope noose off Gollum's neck. Gollum seems surprised and relieved* You will lead us to the Black Gate.  
  
Katie: You could have said please.*sighs* Whatever  
  
Gollum scrambles off in the direction of Morannon with Katie and the hobbits follow in his wake 


	2. The Urukhaiand Kate

I own none of Middle earth or Legolas.Darn.  
  
Sorry of the short chapter  
A band of Uruk-hai marches across the plain, with two hobbits bound to the backs of two Uruk-hai. Pippin tries to call to Merry, who is unconscious with a gash on his right brow  
  
Pippin: Merry. Merry! *He receives no response*  
  
*Suddenly, an Uruk-hai puts up his hand and signals a stop*  
  
Uglúk: What is it? What do you smell?  
  
Maúhur: *sniffs the air* Man-flesh.  
  
Indistinct voice: Hey, that's Stubbly King flesh to you!  
  
Uglúk and Maúhur: Yes Ma'am.  
  
Pippin: *quietly to himself* Aragorn!  
  
Uglúk: They've picked up our trail! Let's go!  
  
Voice: We don't go till I say we do.. Let's go!  
  
The Uruk-hai quicken their pace. One is carrying Kate shoulder high. She seems to have taken control of the band. Pippin doesn't dwell on this, but struggles to reach his Elven brooch with his teeth. He then tears it off his cloak and drops it onto the ground. A foot stomps onto the brooch but it remains unbroken and visible on the grass 


	3. Chapter 3: The Huntersand Mandy

Aragorn is lying with his eyes closed and ear pressed to the ground, listening for the sound of footsteps  
  
Aragorn: Their pace has quickened. *He looks up* They must have caught our scent. Hurry! *He runs off*  
  
Mandy: Giddy up, Elfie!  
  
Mandy is ridding piggyback on Legolas. He seems to have the Elven tolerance for her, and still runs just as fast as if she weren't there at all.  
Legolas: Come on, Gimli! *Looks back at Gimli and then runs after Aragorn*  
  
Gimli: *pauses in his steps and huffs* Three days' and nights' pursuit. No food. No rest. And no sign of our quarry but what bare rock can tell. *Runs after his companions. Suddenly whines* Why don't I get a piggyback ride!?  
  
Mandy: Because I can't keep up and because you are not as pretty and cute as I am.  
  
The Three Hunters run across rocks and plains, with Aragorn in the lead, followed by Legolas and Gimli. From time to time, Legolas looks back to make sure that Gimli is keeping up. Aragorn suddenly bends down to pick up an Elven brooch from the ground  
  
Mandy: Are we there yet?  
  
Legolas: Sorry, no.  
  
Aragorn: Not idly do the leaves of Lórien fall.  
  
Legolas: *stops and turns to Aragorn* They may yet be alive.  
  
Aragorn: Less than a day ahead of us. Come! *Runs off again*  
  
*Gimli stumbles from behind some rocks and rolls to the ground*  
  
Legolas: Come, Gimli! We are gaining on them!  
  
Gimli: *Panting* I am wasted on cross-country! We dwarves are natural sprinters! Very dangerous over short distances!  
  
Mandy: Katie says the same thing while running.mmmm..  
  
The trackers come over a hill and pause as they gaze across the plains below  
Aragorn: Rohan. Home of the horse-lords. There is something strange at work here. Some evil gives speed to these creatures, sets its will against us.  
Legolas runs ahead and looks out to the horizon  
  
Aragorn: Legolas, what do your Elf eyes see?  
  
Legolas: The Uruks turn northeast. They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!  
  
Aragorn: Saruman. 


End file.
